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Fotos y Recuerdos: The Story of My First Diva

Diva Wednesday: Selena

No quiero saber de más problemas ya

There I was, a first grader in Eagle Pass, Texas. Riding in my dad’s pick up truck, living dangerously without the safety of a seatbelt, listening to his soundtrack of Tejano hits. Grupo Mazz. La Mafia. And my favorite, the reigning queen of cumbia, Selena y los Dinos. At this age, I obviously had no concept of the latest trends but Ven Conmigo was my everything. My number one track was No Quiero Saber with its dance-pop vibes, a departure from the polkas and cumbias on the rest of the album. “No quiero saber de mas problemas ya.” “Play the song where she says ‘ja’!” I would demand, impersonating the hard j sound she sang on the track. It amused me since I pronounced the word with a y, as it’s spelled.

Not growing up fully bilingual, I was often out of place in my hometown where Spanish was the dominant language. And in my own home, we listened to Spanish language music and watched Spanish language TV. My Spanish was terrible and my vocabulary was so minimal, it often felt like these pop cultural treasures were not my own. Because I couldn’t understand, I often wanted to listen to anything other than Tejano or cumbia. Selena y los Dinos was the sole exception.

This is how my identity split in two and never the two should meet. A concept every queer person comes to know too well. My Mexican-self watched telenovelas, listened to cumbia, and ate tacos. My American-self dominated my conversation and my thinking. And here was Selena, casually dropping contemporary English language pop tracks on traditional Spanish language LPs. A female icon in a male-dominated genre. Singing in Spanish when she mostly spoke English. A fellow Texan piecing together her Mexican and American identities. And that’s how the universe introduced me to my very first diva.

¿Tú que creías, tú que creías?

Que te ibas a encontrar

Un amor mejor que el mío

When I heard that my parents were going to the Selena dance, I was ecstatic. For the uninitiated, the Tejano scene doesn’t do concerts. They do dances. You don’t go to a theater to sit and watch a show. You go to a dance hall or nightclub to baila sin parar while the band performs. Cumbias are danced in a circle, almost in a follow the leader formation. It’s a beautiful experience that seems to be missing from most music scenes, especially in the world of celebrity DJs where too often the crowd idly watches a barely-there performance rather than experiencing the music.

You can guess that a smoky dance hall is clearly no place for a child. And despite my pleading, my parents wouldn’t entertain the idea of me coming to the Selena dance. I refused to back down from my demands. My diva was on my turf and I deserved to go. I begged. I pleaded. I threw my own things in anger. I had already picked out my outfit. Dark wranglers, my best western shirt, and cowboy boots. My dad could buy me a new cowboy hat in Mexico, anything for Selenas.

Spoiler alert: I spent the night at my grandparents’ house watching black and white Disney films and eating delivery pizza until I passed out. The next morning my mom gifted me a button with a picture of the Entre Mi Mundo album cover. At the end of the night, my parents were standing at the front of the crowd when Selena, who had been wearing a denim jacket with a few pieces of flare, took off the pin from her jacket and threw it into the crowd. My mom reached out and caught it. I cherished that pin for my entire childhood. Never questioning my mom’s version of events and relaying it every chance I had. Because it happened. Just. Like. That.

Y es todo lo que me queda de tu amor

Solo fotos y recuerdos

By the time Amor Prohibido was released, Selena mania was everywhere. Bidi Bidi Bom Bom was played to death and I’m not always sure I can listen to it to this day. Selena y los Dinos had become the soundtrack of every backyard BBQ and school dance. I had my own copy of Amor Prohibido on cassette tape and played it over and over again on my walkman. Walking through the playground, I imagined myself in a white ruffled shirt, leather jacket, and hoop earrings. What? I was a budding homosexual and this was my dream.

It was the middle of the afternoon when our school’s secretary burst into our classroom. She was hysterical and sobbing incoherently. “They killed Selena!” she ran down the hallway to the next room to make the announcement. We looked around at each other in confusion. “What?” After our lesson was over, we were allowed to listen to the radio. Selena Quintanilla Perez had died.

I’d never lost someone I cared so much for in such a violent way. But Selena was a celebrity and just an image in photos and a voice on cassettes. It was a numbing feeling that I didn’t understand. Our entire community was at a loss. My sister and I collected every memento to mark the occasion. The commemorative issue of People magazine. The rapidly published biographies. The t-shirts memorializing la reina. We made a pilgrimage to the Selena boutique in San Antonio and bought baseball caps with Selena’s logo. I took in all things Selena. Spending my afternoons reading the countless articles written about her life and impact. As I learned that Selena herself spoke very little Spanish, I felt an even deeper connection to the diva.

To this day there’s a story from a young fan that I carry with me as her experience seemed to reflect mine so well. In memorializing Selena, she said that Selena gave her pride in her culture. Before discovering Selena’s music, she felt ashamed of speaking Spanish and being Mexican. It was Selena and her music that helped her appreciate her own culture.

Even though I grew up in a community that just so happens to be split by an international border, that is overwhelmingly Mexican, a sense of self-shame still exists. To live on the American side meant you were better than your neighbors. Getting into the identity crisis of being culturally and physically Mexican while trying to feel superior to the Mexican citizen is a topic for another day but Selena brought Mexican-American culture to the brink of the mainstream. Unapologetically straddling two worlds in cowboy boots and a bustier while modernizing traditional Tejano music with 90s dance pop. Never had I felt so allowed to be so Mexican in America. Yes, you can have two cultures.

Como la flor

Con tanto amor

Me diste tú

Se marchitó

The filming of the Selena movie was so hotly anticipated in south Texas. We counted down the days until its release. Finally, not only would our queen be given the silver screen treatment she deserved, but the world would know her just as we had. For me, the movie itself exists as its own marker in my personal history. Aside from the story, I’m deeply attached to the rural south Texas landscape and cultural spaces of my home that are etched in cinematic glory for the outside world.

Edward James Olmos lamenting that Mexican-Americans have to work twice as hard. To be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans. Never had someone vocalized my own frustrations so perfectly. A sentiment that rings true to this day. “Me siento muy…excited!” and “Anything for Selenas!” are deeply embedded into pop culture at a time when her music has come back in vogue and numerous artists have paid their homage.

Over the years, many other divas have entered my life and made their mark, but never again would I have an icon like Selena. Representation can truly affect the place you see for yourself in the world. Had Selena’s foray into the mainstream pop world been realized, I can’t help but wonder the deeper implications for Mexican-Americans and other Latinx groups. To have a pop culture icon that validates your bi-cultural experience and your background, to prove that your existence isn’t exotic. That yes, you can speak two languages, embrace multiple customs, and be celebrated for it. And more importantly for me, you can be Mexican and American and unapologetically Texan.

Es el mas dulce recuerdo de mi vida.

In Life

The Gay Guide to Dogs

Let’s be frank, a good amount of us are looking at a future of singledom. It’s in your best interest to get ahead of the game and trade weekend Grindr tricks for weekend dog park trips. (See what I did there?) If you haven’t yet committed to a four legged life partner, here’s a guide to make sure you pick the right breed for you.

Gay Type: Twinks

Dog Breed: PomeranianChihuahua

We get it: you’re young and you’re thin and you know all the dance moves to every Beyoncé/Lady Gaga/Britney song at the club. You need a statement breed equally high maintenance but small enough for you to stay in control of. A pomeranian or chihuahua will make for the perfect pup to cradle while out on a Starbucks run. Best of all, when you’re past your prime and working to transition to Twunk status, their tiny stature will accentuate your muscle bod.

Gay Type: Bears

Dog Breed: Cairn TerrierSchnauzer

As the stockier of the gays, it may be tempting to choose a more masculine dog to emphasize your stature. Resist the temptation and go for a breed that’s equal parts rough and cuddly. Breeds like cairn terriers and schnauzers fit the bill. Mid sized with a stocky build and wiry hair, they’ll be totally masc at the dog park but down to cuddle on the couch.

Gay Type: Otter

Dog Breed: German ShepherdAustralian Shepherd

Otters are the chameleons of the gay world. Your slender frame lets you fit in with the twinks but your body hair and scruff give you masc cred for the jocks. Choose an equally slender and athletic  breed of dog like a German or Australian Shepherd. Both make a suitable companion for shirtless hikes or frisbee games.

Gay Type: Gay Lister

Dog Breed: Labrador Retriever

You’ve moved on up in the world with a professional gig, gorgeous house, and designer duds. Nothing proves you’ve made it in America more than a picket fence breed like a labrador retriever. Sure, it’s a dog that’s going to shed all over the house but you probably already have a maid service anyway. As a bonus, have the dog trained to retrieve cans of beer from the fridge. After a long day of closing deals in the office, you’ll be thankful you did.

Gay Type: Gaymer

Dog Breed: Cat

You have an open disdain for the “scene” and feel more at home with a group of nerd bros. Your type of dog is a cat. I dunno dude, I didn’t make this up.

Above all else, keep your street cred by adopting a rescue.

In Life

5 Easy Ways To Fight For LGBTQ Rights

This past November ushered in a Rainbow Wave of LGBTQ representatives into the halls of Congress. It’s easy to get complacent with these types of wins, but it’s important to keep momentum. I’ve always been politically active and the current political climate has spurred me to be even more persistent with my actions. Websites like 5 Calls and Resistbot are hugely important for improving the process of speaking up and being active. Even when I feel overwhelmed by the day’s news, it’s a relief to turn to these resources and have manageable tasks and avenues to participate. Celebrate this MLK Day by supporting the fight for LGBTQ rights and equality. Here are 5 things you can do to support our community.

Oppose Human Rights Opponent Neomi Rao For DC Circuit Judge

Donald Trump’s judicial nominee for the the DC Circuit has a history of writing inflammatory op-eds in college where she called LGBTQ issues a passing trend. Rao has no judicial experience, so her op-eds and legal writings form the basis of her qualifications. She’s also criticized advancements in LGBTQ rights like the decriminalization of gay sex and striking down of the Defense of Marriage Act. The DC Circuit is considered the 2nd most important court behind the Supreme Court.

Contact your representatives to oppose her nomination.

Oppose Anti-LGBTQ Howard Nielson Jr. For Federal Judgeship

Another judicial nominee, Howard Nielsen Jr, has a long history of bigotry. During the lawsuits over California’s Prop 8, Nielsen argued that Judge Walker (who ruled the proposition was unconstitutional) was incapable of ruling fairly because he’s gay. Nielson also argued against marriage equality in the landmark Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges where he argued that gay couples couldn’t raise children in stable and enduring family units.

Contact your representatives to oppose his nomination.

Oppose Anti-civil Rights Attorney Eric Murphy For The 6th Circuit

And yet another judicial nominee, Eric Murphy, has an anti-LGBTQ record from his time as the State Solicitor for Ohio. He also argued against marriage equality in Obergefell v. Hodges.

In Gloucester County School Board v. G.G, Murphy argued for discrimination against transgender students by not allowing them to use the bathroom corresponding with their gender identity.

Contact your representatives to oppose his nomination.

Equality Act

With Democrats in control of the House, Nancy Pelosi has said she would give the Equality Act high priority. This legislation would define sexual orientation and gender identity as protected characteristics in existing federal civil rights legislation. This would protect the LGBTQ from discrimination when it comes to housing, public accomodations, and and employment.

Contact your representatives to support the Equality Act.

Find legislation in your state

Aside from these federal issues, there are numerous laws making their way through state houses. Oklahoma has 10 bills related to LGBTQ discrimination. Search for issues in your state and contact your state representative.

In Life

Staying Sane in an Insane World

Growing my brand is always something I’m trying to push to the top of my priorities but often gets knocked down by personal and professional life happenings. I’ve been unusually absent the last few months and I’d like to explain why. I recently packed up my life, my dog, and my boyfriend and relocated to New York. The move was preceded by an accident in the gym resulting in a shoulder dislocation. To say the least, it’s been an exciting and terrifying and stressful few months.

While I had prepared myself for a rough few months adjusting to my new life, that’s always much easier said than done. Finding myself in a new city without a solid social network or a job has been tough. The move was spurred by my own craving for more career growth and options and Richard’s enrollment in the MBA program at NYU. Spending my days networking and job hunting while making new friends has been emotionally and mentally exhausting. So, this World Mental Health Day, I’d like to share some of the ways I’m trying to work on my mental health every day.

Exercise

The biggest thing for me is physical exercise. In Austin, I worked out either at the gym or in a class several times a week. It was part of my weekly routine and social life. Dislocating my shoulder and having to take several weeks off from working out has been one of the biggest blows to my mental health and a huge stressor in adjusting to life in New York. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve finally been able to do more exercising without risking another injury but it’s definitely slow going. Getting back into this routine has been one of my major priorities.

Time with Tripp

Hopefully you’re now following my dog Tripp on Instagram. Apartment life definitely means much more time spent with the dog. Setting him free to roam the backyard isn’t an option anymore, so it’s important he gets his own play time. Most days start and end with a trip to the dog park for some off-leash fun. Tripp has also been my daily companion and I’m definitely thankful for our time together. I’ve always talked about making a web series about Tripp and now I finally have the time to get started. His Instagram account is the first step.

Words with friends

Whenever I’ve gone through difficult moments, I’ve always leaned on my friends. Which was easy in Austin where I had a core group of best friends and an wider net of social connections. In New York, I know very few people and have made it a priority to improve my relationships with the ones I do know. It’s been great reconnecting with people in the city and very fun to meet new people. Spending an hour having lunch with someone has done wonders in boosting my mood for days to come.

Disconnect after 6pm

The job hunt is a grind. With multiple versions of resumes, profiles on job search sites, the endless cover letters, it’s hard to know when to shut down for the day. New York seems to have endless opportunities and I could just keep at it for days. My first week on the hunt, I found myself sitting at my laptop sending off resumes until midnight. And even if I had put away the computer early, I found myself reloading my email on my phone hoping and praying for any response. Even at midnight. That’s completely unsustainable. These days, I’m trying to stick to a schedule of what I will accomplish every day of the week and how long I’ll be working. My goal is to be done by 6pm. If I haven’t met my quota for job applications, I’ll have to make it up the next day. I’ve always appreciated work/life balance and I’m trying to approach the job hunt like I would any job. And while I’m not totally disconnecting, I am disconnecting from “work” and letting go of email until the next day.

Discovery time

As I’ve started scheduling out my days, I’ve started dedicating time to discovery. This means exploring different parts of the city, a museum trip, or learning something new on Skillshare. I’ve also been a huge fan of CreativeMornings in Austin and started attending pretty much every event on the schedule in New York. Giving myself time to explore and nurture my curiosity has done wonders for my mental health.

I’m definitely not a mental health professional and I don’t have any answers on that front, but these are ways I’m coping with tough days. Hopefully they’re useful to you and of course, feel free to reach out if you’d like to hang in NY or have a virtual coffee.

In Life

A Year of Giving Back: 12 LGBTQ Organizations to Support

Since we’re only a few weeks into the new year, you might still have some motivation to make some changes in yourself and in the world. I’m always trying to find ways to give back and contribute to my community and a friend turned me on to the idea of giving 1% for the 99%. Essentially, you pledge to donate 1% of your monthly income to 12 different nonprofits. This year, I’m challenging myself (and you) to donate to these 12 LGBTQ organizations making a difference in the community.


January

OutYouth – I’ll be starting out the year by supporting a local Austin organization that provides a variety of programs and services for LGBTQ youth like a drop-in center for youth to hang out at, free HIV testing, and facilitated discussions. Every year OutYouth puts on events like the Out Youth Prom, an evening that allows queer youth the chance to have their own high school prom.

February

GSA Network – Continuing with support for the children, GSAs provide a safe space for queer and straight students to socialize and support each other. GSA Network offers resources and support for those local GSA clubs. Additionally, they help develop youth into leaders to head their local clubs.

March

Trans United Fund – It’s time to end the patriarchy which is why I’m proud to support an organization that is committed to building the political power of the trans community. They do this by building political leadership in the trans community and aiding and endorsing candidates with pro-trans platforms.

April

Victory Institute – Representation and visibility is everything. The best way to ensure LGBT rights is to have LGBTQ politicians representing our needs. The Victory Institute is the only national organization that works to train and develop LGBTQ leaders to take on careers in politics, government, business, and advocacy.

May

ALLGO – This Texas organization provides cultural arts, wellness, and social justice programs for queer people of color. As a queer person of color myself, this is an organization that I’ve been interested in for a while and have been meaning to be more involved with.

June

Gay and Lesbian Medical Association – The world’s oldest association of LGBTQ healthcare professionals works for to build equality in healthcare.  

Their website also helps you find an LGBTQ friendly doctor, which you can appreciate if you’ve ever been treated by a doctor unfamiliar with our community.

July

The Ali Forney Center – A staggering 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ. The AFC works to provide housing and support services for homeless queer youth.

August

AIDS Services of Austin – ASA provides services to people living with HIV and AIDS while also working to prevent the spread of HIV through education and outreach.

September

LGBT Asylum Support Task Force – While the US may slipping in its support for the LGBT community, some places in the world are far less welcoming. This organization supports LGBTQ people seeking asylum in the US. I had no idea that asylum seekers aren’t allowed to work until they are granted a work permit and social security number, which can take more than a year. The LGBT Asylum Task Force works to provide housing, food, basic necessities, and financial support during that time.

October

LAMBDA Legal – As the oldest and largest LGBTQ focused legal organization, Lambda Legal doesn’t charge their clients for legal representation or advocacy.

November

Sylvia Rivera Law Project – Named after the transgender activist, this organization works to guarantee that all people are free to self-determine their gender identity. They provide trainings for service providers and name and ID changing assistance.

December

SAGEElderly LGBTQ face higher poverty rates as well as significant health disparities than the general elderly population. Discrimination and social isolation can make things significant worse. Through their network of affiliates in SAGENet, SAGE works to improve financial security, reduce isolation, and enhance the quality of life for LGBTQ elders.


Hopefully this list inspires you to find and support a cause you’re passionate about. You never know, you might just find a dance party for that cause. If there are any LGBTQ organizations you love that I’ve left off the list, let me know!