In Life

A Gay Guide to Dogs

Gay guide to dogs

Let’s be frank, a good amount of us are looking at a future of singledom. It’s in your best interest to get ahead of the game and trade weekend Grindr tricks for weekend dog park trips. (See what I did there?) If you haven’t yet committed to a four legged life partner, here’s a guide to make sure you pick the right breed for you.

Gay Type: Twinks

Dog Breed: Pomeranian, Chihuahua

We get it: you’re young and you’re thin and you know all the dance moves to every Beyoncé/Lady Gaga/Britney song at the club. You need a statement breed equally high maintenance but small enough for you to stay in control of. A pomeranian or chihuahua will make for the perfect pup to cradle while out on a Starbucks run. Best of all, when you’re past your prime and working to transition to Twunk status, their tiny stature will accentuate your muscle bod.

Man kneeling down next to terrier breed dog.

Gay Type: Bears

Dog Breed: Cairn Terrier, Schnauzer

As the stockier of the gays, it may be tempting to choose a more masculine dog to emphasize your stature. Resist the temptation and go for a breed that’s equal parts rough and cuddly. Breeds like cairn terriers and schnauzers fit the bill. Mid sized with a stocky build and wiry hair, they’ll be totally masc at the dog park but down to cuddle on the couch.

Gay Type: Otter

Dog Breed: German Shepherd, Australian Shepherd

Otters are the chameleons of the gay world. Your slender frame lets you fit in with the twinks but your body hair and scruff give you masc cred for the jocks. Choose an equally slender and athletic  breed of dog like a German or Australian Shepherd. Both make a suitable companion for shirtless hikes or frisbee games.

Man sitting on bench with a golden labrador dog.

Gay Type: Gay Lister

Dog Breed: Labrador Retriever

You’ve moved on up in the world with a professional gig, gorgeous house, and designer duds. Nothing proves you’ve made it in America more than a picket fence breed like a labrador retriever. Sure, it’s a dog that’s going to shed all over the house but you probably already have a maid service anyway. As a bonus, have the dog trained to retrieve cans of beer from the fridge. After a long day of closing deals in the office, you’ll be thankful you did.

Gay Type: Gaymer

Dog Breed: Cat

You have an open disdain for the “scene” and feel more at home with a group of nerd bros. Your type of dog is a cat. I dunno dude, I didn’t make this up.

Above all else, keep your street cred by adopting a rescue.

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