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How I Survived the Apocalypse

If you’ve been paying me any attention, which I’m sure you have been, you know I recently spent a weekend in New York. And yes, I know, aside from a few Instagram posts, I’ve neglected to offer up some first class content about my trip. I think I’ve allowed myself enough time to heal and I’m ready to talk about the trip.

As you may have guessed, I spent the weekend sipping fabulous cocktails, wearing beautifully layered outfits, and admiring trendy artwork. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I DID. Stop questioning it. It was all smooth sailing until late Saturday night, when I did what any busy diva does and napped in a taxi cab on my way home. You already know what comes next. I left my cell phone in the cab.

Yes. I did the unthinkable and misplaced the one item our society has built us to rely upon wholly. Panicked, I used my friend Tyler’s phone to harass the taxi dispatcher to no avail. The idea of existing without having convenient access to communication, maps, and knowledge of gay men within the immediate vicinity, frightened me.

I tried to remind myself about my first trip to New York at the tender age of 21, in the time before smart phones. In those dark ages, my flip phone could barely text. Getting around the city meant reading a map and writing down directions and addresses. Eventually, I allowed my animal instincts to take over. It’s amazing what fear will do to a person.

That afternoon, I had to get from Brooklyn to Manhattan to meet my friend Nick for Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Tyler had to leave for his flight back to the west coast and left me with a sheet of paper, a pen, and directions to the theater. I set out doing the impossible, navigating through the world by reading signs. Without my phone to preoccupy me, I actually paid attention to my surroundings. Sidenote: There are so many more attractive men IRL than on Grindr.

I made it through the day even though I lived with constant fear. It was just like an episode of the Walking Dead. EXACTLY LIKE THAT. Oh, and I got a new iPhone after the show. Kisses.

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