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Turning 30

Hi gays,

I’m sure you remember I was recently put out to gay pasture when I turned 30. As a reminder, one of my good friends emailed me Queerty’s 30 Things Every Gay Man Must Do Before Turning 30 with no message. Just a cryptic email with a link.  I mean first of all, as if I don’t get Queerty in my email daily. And secondly, as if I even understand what that’s supposed to mean.

Instead of acknowledging what I’m sure he intended as a slight, I’ve decided to take this list to task and share what I think are actually important and what I’m still working on.

Also, 30 is kind of a lot of stuff for one blog post. This is some work, y’all.

Finances & Civic Duty

Okay, right off the bat, all those important grown up things you should be doing long before 30. Retirement accounts, eliminating credit card debt, and voting – I was checking this off long before 25. EWW DOES THAT MAKE ME OLD?

Clothing and Furnishing

These are two things I’m unashamed to say I’m obsessive about. That’s a lie. I’m not ashamed to admit my obsessions with anything. But believe me when I say I obsess over home decor, furniture, and my clothes. I can have prolonged and serious conversations about these topics. With that in mind, yes by 30 let’s be sure to reassess the wardrobe and create a space that’s fitting for a gentleman.


Most of the sex and relationship advice on this list I actually agree with. Some of them are even things I’m currently attempting (Date an older guy, Date someone who’s not your type). And in regards to previous relationships, I happen to be in a position where almost none of my exes live in Texas. I do sometimes wonder what they’re up to and meeting for coffee might actually be nice. Although, it’d be difficult to hold myself back from going all John Cusack in High Fidelity, demanding to know why they broke up with me and what does it all mean why am I alone always? You know, just casual conversation – how’s your cat?

Which brings me to saying yes, you probably should get over that ex. Or all of them or how ever many you’re feeling crummy about. For me these are feelings that come and go and no matter how much time has passed, it can still sting. There’s a wonderful post about this on Hommemaker, if you’re so inclined.


One of the most exciting things about being an aging gay male is that you have so much more freedom to be who you want than your straight friends. I mean, nobody is expecting you to be married with kids (at least not yet) or settled down in any way. Stay interesting. Yes, read lots of books that relate to our culture like Gore Vidal’s The City and the Pillar. I mean  I haven’t read it but I will and like we can talk about it over coffee?

Learn to cook complicated dishes and mix cocktails.

Most Importantly

One of the things I’ve been applying to my life within the past year is to really quit comparing myself to others. I’ve always been hard on myself for not being as successful as someone else. A lot of times I’ll irrationally dislike someone for being more successful than me. Which is crazy and I constantly have to remind myself that someone else’s success and happiness doesn’t take away from my own.

And of course being 30 is no reason to freak out. As long as you’re pretty and look eternally 27 (yes, wear sunscreen. In fact mix sunscreen with moisturizing lotion and cover your body in it daily. #myregimen).

If I failed to mention an item on this list, it’s because from my professional stand point as a 30 year old gay male, you can get by without it.

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