Gays and Confused - A guide to life for the gays and confused.

In Food & Drink/ Shop

Wake Up with Pride: Queer-Owned Coffee Brands You’ll Love

To better support the LGBTQ+ community, I’m on a mission to spend more of my money at LGBTQ+ owned businesses. Coffee is a huge part of my life and one of my favorite daily rituals is brewing coffee in the morning. I love starting the day slowly with a cup of coffee and I’ve been interested in supporting more queer owned coffee brands. If you’re a coffee drinker and looking to do the same, here’s a list of LGBTQ+ owned coffee brands bringing more diversity to the coffee industry.

2 Queens

Charles Wilkin and Martin Higgins are the queer royals behind 2 Queens, a shop in Narrowsburg, New York that offers coffee, tea, and honey. The venture is an opportunity to unite Martin’s 25 years of coffee roasting expertise and Charles’ devotion to honeybees. All their coffee is hand roasted to perfection by Martin. While their tea is carefully curated to be all-natural and support honeybees and other pollinators. To celebrate pride every morning, they even offer a special Queer Coffee blend in gorgeous packaging that’ll look great on your kitchen counter. You can visit their Catskills cafe in person or shop their online store.

Equator Coffees

Brooke McDonnell and Helen Russell founded Equator Coffees in 1995 in a Marin County garage. They set out to build a coffee company focused on quality, sustainability, and social responsibility. In 2016, Equator Coffees won National Small Business of the Year by the Small Business Administration, the first LGBTQ+ owned brand to earn this award. Today you can shop their coffee online or visit their cafes in the Bay Area and Southern California.

Queer Wave Coffee

Cheyenne Xochítl Love is the founder of Queer Wave Coffee, a coffee brand with a mission to disrupt the colonial supply chain. All their caffeinated coffee comes from Catracha Coffee Co. in La Paz, Honduras, a social enterprise which allows small coffee farmers to access and profit from the specialty coffee market. Through coffee, Cheyenne, an Indigenous, two-spirit, non-binary trans woman, is committed to dismantling patriarchy, white supremacy, and other oppressions. Every bag of Queer Wave Coffee proudly displays “1312” in the bottom corner.

Uncommon Coffee Roasters

In 1994, Guy Darienzo and Stephen Keye founded Uncommon Coffee Roasters in Saugatuck, Michigan, where their cafe Uncommon Ground quickly became known as, “the local gay coffee shop.” The company takes pride in celebrating diversity, giving back and sustainability, striving to work with companies that share their values. If you’re looking for more novelty products, they do offer a Pride Blend and a Love Wins blend.

To continue supporting the LGBTQ+ community, Uncommon Coffee Roasters donates to the Uncommonly Fabulous Fund, which offers financial support to LGBTQ+ youth and adults in need in the Southwest Michigan area. Visit their cafe in Saugatuck, Michigan or shop their coffee online.

FiNCA To FiLTER

Inspired by her work with coffee producers for Habitat para la Humanidad Guatemala, Kayla Bellman started FiNCA To FiLTER to combine her passions for coffee and social justice. This queer woman-owned business has a commitment to radical transparency, sharing the amount paid to growers, and fostering a sense of kinship and safety for their community, even partnering with ARC-Southeast to serve as a Plan-B outpost.

You can visit one of their cafes in Atlanta, Georgia, or purchase their coffee online.

Queer Coffee

Sourcing high-quality, organic, and fair trade coffee beans, Queer Coffee is a novelty coffee brand that supports LGBTQ+ causes. $2 from every bag sold goes to support the Campaign for Southern Equality, which works to promote full legal and lived LGBTQ+ equality in the south. If you’re looking for pride-themed coffee products, the brand’s logo features fun rainbow colored coffee beans to bring some joy to your morning cup.

I’m always on the lookout for more LGBTQ+ businesses to support and would love to know your favorite queer-owned coffee brands. Not only that, but queer friendly spaces have been so important to my life over the years, what are your favorite LGBTQ+ inclusive coffee shops? Let’s talk about them!

September 30, 2024

In Travel

A Weekend in Madrid: The Ultimate Queer-Friendly Travel Guide

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Madrid holds a special place in my heart, always calling me back time and again with its exciting energy and welcoming atmosphere. I’ve had the privilege of visiting the city a few times and uncovered a few hidden gems and embraced its lively queer scene. Here are my suggestions for a weekend in the Spanish capital.

Where to Stay

Chueca is the gayborhood and the surrounding area is booming with trendy bars, restaurants, and shops. If you’re looking to make the most of your stay, you’ll want to make sure to find a spot nearby.

Search for LGBTQ+ rentals in Madrid on misterb&b.

Eats

Tapas tour – One of the most exciting things we did in Madrid was a tapas tour. Most places offer a free tapas plate when you order a drink. We started at Cerveceria Cervantes and basically went door to door from there having a beer or glass of wine at each stop.

El Tigre – 7 euros bought us two glasses of red wine and a giant plate of assorted tapas. Sure it looked like a plate of scraps, but it was one of the most affordable meals of my life.

Mazúl – A trendy spot that offers modern and creative takes on traditional Mexican food. Some standouts are the handmade tortillas, Barbacoa (lamb dish), and I especially loved the Fideo Seco, which brought an impressive level of sophistication to a dish I grew up eating.

Museo del Jamón – On my previous trips to Madrid, I’d seen this chain but never stopped in. The name is so hilarious to me and I’d been dying to check it out. I finally got my chance when we stopped in for a glass of wine and some tapas.

Lamucca de Pez – This restaurant is spacious and modern with plenty of seating at communal tables. They serve up pizzas, salads, and other Mediterranean fare. It’s another popular spot, so get there early or make a reservation to avoid a wait.

Chocolateria San Gines – Everyone knows I have the biggest sweet tooth and so of course I was ecstatic about having chocolate y churros in Spain. Every time we walked by San Gines, there was a line out the door. Luckily, it’s open all night and sweets are the perfect ending to an evening of drinking. But don’t be like me and maybe share your order with someone(s).

Drinks

LL Bar – This was my favorite of the traditional gay bars. The space is rather small and you can expect to be squeezed in. But don’t worry, it’s worth it for the amazing drag shows. For a few euros, the queens will even let you sing with them.

You&Me Bar – On a quiet night, we stopped in and were welcomed with a shot of tequila rose. We had such a fun time we had to go back on our next night out and found it to be bustling with lots of dance floor action.

¿Quién La Invitó? – On a week night with no clue where to go out for drinks, we hit the streets and followed the crowd to this bar. Another small space, the dance floor was lit and the night quickly transitioned to a great drag show.

Gris – This queer friendly bar blasts plenty of Euro 90s indie hits. I can’t express enough how much I love grunge.

Cazador – Another queer friendly bar, this was one of my favorite drinking spots. It was crowded with hipster homos and played plenty of pop music.

Ficus – Craft cocktails inspired by Africa. You’ll find exotic fruits and creative takes on classic cocktails on their menu. The interior offers an intimate vibe with botanical touches and West African artwork, feeling very much like a retreat inside the city.

Sights

Puerta del Sol – Madrid reminds me so much of New York and I’d say Puerta del Sol is like Times Square. It’s a busy plaza surrounded by shops and restaurants.

Palacio Real – Spain has one of the largest palaces in Europe. It’s so majestic you definitely have to make a stop here.

Museo del Prado – I’ve visited Madrid twice before and I’m always happy to stop into this museum. It has one of the best fine art collections featuring classical works from all over Europe.

El Retiro Park – On our last day in Madrid, we went for an afternoon stroll through the park. It’s a popular hangout for locals. There’s a small lake with rowboats for rent and entertaining street performers.

Palacio de Cristal – Buen Retiro Park also is home to a large glass building that houses some art installations.

Caixa Forum – The vertical garden at Caixa Forum is one of the best Instagram spots in Madrid. Get there early to avoid waiting for other visitors to clear some space. And of course, if you have the time, be sure to check out the museum.

From savoring tapas to dancing the night away, a weekend in Madrid is definitely a good time. I always find the city so creatively inspiring and can’t wait to visit again. Have you made a trip to the Spanish capital? What are your recs?

See the Gays & Confused Travel Guides to discover more queer friendly travel tips.

September 28, 2024

In Shop/ Style

Slacktivists of the World: Support the Cause, Add to Cart!

These days it may seem like there’s more work to do than ever to solidify LGBTQ+ rights and equality. You might be feeling overwhelmed at the thought of supporting so many causes, but luckily there’s an easy way to make your voice heard. By shopping! It’s like the easiest thing to do and you get all new stuff!

GLSEN – Rise Up Bracelet

GLSEN is a nonprofit that works to promote LGBTQ+ advocacy and inclusion in education. In response to recent legislation that threatens the livelihoods of LGBTQ+ youth, GLSEN is asking supporters to take the Rise Up pledge.

Show your support for the children with a very trendy Rise Up Bracelet, preferably in the bold fluorescent rainbow thread. If you’re gonna show support, show it loud.

ACT UP – Iconic “Silence = Death” T-Shirt

Aside from a rainbow flag, no symbol is more iconic of queerness than the pink triangle. In 1987, gay activists in New York plastered the city with posters featuring this message in an effort to protest injustice and governmental indifference during the AIDS crisis. Today, ACT UP fights to end the HIV/AIDS epidemic. You can support the cause and look damn cool by shopping this iconic tee.

HRC – Seed Bead Stretch Wristband

Ask the kids, beaded bracelets are very in right now. Grab one in every color to create a rainbow stack to show your pride and support HRC’s fight for LGBTQ equality.

100% of your purchase goes toward HRC’s fight for LGBTQ equality, and it’ll make you an active member of the organization.

Matthew Shepard Foundation – Erase Hate Clack Fan

When you’re in the club, yeah be clackin’ that. With an Erase Hate fan, you’ll keep cool while supporting the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s online and offline programming. The organization works to amplify the story of Matthew Shepard, raise awareness of anti-violence, and promote the dignity and equality of all people.

PFLAG – Pet Bandana

Let your pup show off their support in style! Through their network of local chapters, PFLAG works to support, educate, and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and those who love them.

Shop for the cause, my friends. Is there an LGBTQ+ organization that you’re proud to support? Let’s chat about it!

August 29, 2024

In Life

7 LGBTQ+ Mobile Apps For a Better Life

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From healthcare to travel to education, there’s always an app to help make your life easier, keep you entertained, or better inform you on the go. While plenty of dating apps are geared toward our community, what about the other facets of modern queer life? Here’s a list of mobile apps for the queer community.

misterb&b

Airbnb and Vrbo popularized the concept of staying like a local by helping you rent homes and apartments for your vacation. misterb&b connects you to gay-friendly rentals while donating a percentage of the profit to LGBTQ+ nonprofits.

When the company’s co-founder & CEO, Matthieu, and his partner booked a shared apartment in Barcelona, they found their host uncomfortable renting to a gay couple. The experience inspired him to start a short term rentals site focused on the gay community. misterb&b aims to connect the global gay community and offer a safer travel experience.

GeoSure

Traveling in any of the 71 countries where homosexuality is a crime may be risky, but queer people, especially trans and gender nonconforming, can be at risk in far more places. GeoSure offers neighborhood-level real-time LGBTQ+ safety ratings for more than 40,000 places worldwide. By combining local statistics and data feeds, the app offers safety ratings on a scale from 1 (Very Safe/Cool) to 100 (Very Dangerous/Hot) across seven categories: overall safety, women’s safety, physical harm, theft, health and medical, LGBTQ+ safety, and political freedoms.

Lex

Before the internet and smartphones, many queer people found romantic connections and friendships through personal ads in their local newspapers and zines. Throwing it back, Lex started is a lo-fi, text-based social app for the LBTQIA+ community to discover events and groups to hang out with online or IRL.

Kelly Rakowski, who also founded the lesbian culture Instagram @h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y, started Lex as a way for people to find each other without the frustration of dating apps. While curating historical photos for her Instagram account, she came across an online archive of personal ads from On Our Backs, a lesbian erotica magazine. Intially posting them on @h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y, her followers fell in love with these mementos from lonely hearts so she began soliciting personal ads for a new project that would become Lex.

Kalda

Developed by LGBTQIA+ therapists, Kalda offers self guided therapy programs to help you strengthen your mental health. Studies have found that the LGBTQ+ population is more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and substance misuse than heterosexuals. And LGBTQ+ individuals are more likely than heterosexuals to use mental health services. Co-founder Charlotte Fountaine had struggled with questions around her identity as a bisexual woman, leading to panic attacks. She found group therapy helpful and was inspired to create a supportive space for queers.

This colorful app offers video therapy sessions, quick meditations, and daily reflection journaling. Therapy can come with an expensive price tag creating a barrier for many, so Kalda offers affordable monthly and yearly subscription options.

Rally

Rally is a social app for LGBTQIA+ sports and fitness communities. While it can often be tough to build connections within the LGBTQ+ community outside of nightlife spaces, Rally offers a platform to connect with new friends, discover local events, and join local sports teams.

Queer athletes can often face homophobia and discrimination, founder Duncan Campbell created Rally to promote inclusion and help foster safe spaces for queer and trans athletes to practice sports.

Quist

As I’m sure most of you have gathered from being avid readers of this blog, I love music and history. I especially love learning about moments in history that are often forgotten or rarely told, which happens to be the case when it comes to minority groups. Quist is an app that aims to educate the world about the history of LGBTQ+ communities, the struggles we have overcome, and the allies that supported us. Every day Quist presents a notable event in queer history that happened that day with interactive media and links to more information.

Since 2013, the app has mostly been created through the help of volunteers with the non-profit the Quistory Project, Inc. The organization was founded by Sarah Prager, the author of Queer, There, and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World.

Our Bible

While the LGBTQ+ community is usually pushed away by most mainstream Christian religions, plenty of queer people continue to hold deeply religious beliefs. Our Bible is an app that aims to bring the progressive Christian community together. The platform offers the largest collection of devotionals, podcasts, resources, and other media content that are pro-LGBT, pro-women, and encourage interfaith inclusivity.

Writer and activist Crystal Cheatham felt devastated when she was told she couldn’t be gay and Christian. She started Our Bible to offer the LGBTQ community a space to pursue their spiritual practice without sacrificing any part of their identity.

What are your favorite mobile apps? Is there one you wish had a gay friendly equivalent? Share your favorite queer mobile apps with me!

August 22, 2024

In Entertainment

Discover the Gayest Sci-Fi Flicks in the Universe

Science fiction has a unique ability to reflect and reimagine our world in fantastical ways to explore complex and sometimes taboo themes. I personally love that the genre can delve into stories that reflect the struggles of minority groups, especially queer people. To celebrate this stellar intersection of LGBTQ+ stories and out of this world adventures, I’ve scoured the galaxy for a list of queer-themed sci-fi flicks for your streaming pleasure. Join me on this journey and let’s explore some captivating queer stories together!

Space Station 76

Synopsis: In a 1970s version of the future, the closeted gay commander of a space station clashes with his new second-in-command.

Why you should watch it: If you’re not big into sci-fi. The film may feature a science fiction setting, but the core story is about the relationships of a small isolated group. It’s also set to a soundtrack of hits from the 60’s and 70’s.

Where you can see it: Amazon Prime, YouTube, iTunes, Google Play

V for Vendetta

Synopsis: In a dystopian future, London is under fascist rule. A masked vigilante, V, enlists the help of a young woman to overthrow the government.

Why you should watch it: The film deals with homophobia and homosexual persecution by the fascist tyrannical government. In these trying times, the film’s themes are as important as ever.

Where you can see it: Prime Video, YouTube, Apple TV, Google Play

Sense8

Synopsis: 8 strangers discover they share a special psychic connection that lets them share experiences and skills. They soon discover their kind are the target of a sinister research group.

Why you should watch it: If you’ve been living under a heterosexual rock, you’ll have missed this Netflix series by the Wachowskis (the final season is a feature length movie). The series has gained gay buzz for its numerous pansexual orgy scenes, gay romances, and its trans lead character. But you should also watch because it’s instantly bingeable.

Where you can see it: Netflix

Bloody Mallory

Synopsis: With a strikeforce of misfits, including a drag queen, the titular heroin must take on an army of undead monsters to rescue the Pope.

Why you should watch it:

Where you can see it: YouTube, Amazon Prime, Google Play

Nimona

Synopsis: In a futuristic medieval world, a knight is framed for a crime and must rely on the help of a shapeshifter named Nimona to prove his innocence.

Why you should watch it: This is the queer Disney movie you’ve been dreaming of! Nimona combines stunning animation with a seamless blend of sci-fi and fantasy genres to create a captivating story for the whole family. Featuring a gay romance and a storyline that reflects trans experiences, Nimona brings meaningful depth to the genre.

Where you can see it: Netflix

Riot Girls

Synopsis: A mysterious virus has killed all the adults, leaving behind teenagers who’ve formed into rival gangs.

Why you should watch it: Riot Girls leans more post-apocalyptic than traditional sci-fi, with a sapphic, teen comedy twist that packs in plenty of campy, gratuitous violence. Based on a graphic novel, the film nods to its origins but never fully commits to developing those elements into something greater. The storyline is definitely familiar but the world is fun enough to make it an enjoyable watch.

Where you can see it: Tubi, Prime Video, PlutoTV

Flaming Ears

Synopsis: Set in the city of Asche in the year 2700, this sapphic sci-fi story follows three women, comic book artist Spy, the alien being Nun, and performer Volley, in a story of love and revenge.

Why you should watch it: While I couldn’t follow the plot 100% of the time, I did enjoy it for the lo-fi aesthetic. Shot on 8mm film, this art house flick makes creative use of miniature sets, stop-motion effects, and fun low budget costumes and set design.

Where you can see it: Prime Video

Did you discover a whole new queer world? Tell me about your favorite sci-fi films! And if you’re a fan of spookier stories, be sure to check out my list of queer-themed horror movies.

July 24, 2024

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