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In Life

Staying Sane in an Insane World

Growing my brand is always something I’m trying to push to the top of my priorities but often gets knocked down by personal and professional life happenings. I’ve been unusually absent the last few months and I’d like to explain why. I recently packed up my life, my dog, and my boyfriend and relocated to New York. The move was preceded by an accident in the gym resulting in a shoulder dislocation. To say the least, it’s been an exciting and terrifying and stressful few months.

While I had prepared myself for a rough few months adjusting to my new life, that’s always much easier said than done. Finding myself in a new city without a solid social network or a job has been tough. The move was spurred by my own craving for more career growth and options and Richard’s enrollment in the MBA program at NYU. Spending my days networking and job hunting while making new friends has been emotionally and mentally exhausting. So, this World Mental Health Day, I’d like to share some of the ways I’m trying to work on my mental health every day.

Exercise

The biggest thing for me is physical exercise. In Austin, I worked out either at the gym or in a class several times a week. It was part of my weekly routine and social life. Dislocating my shoulder and having to take several weeks off from working out has been one of the biggest blows to my mental health and a huge stressor in adjusting to life in New York. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve finally been able to do more exercising without risking another injury but it’s definitely slow going. Getting back into this routine has been one of my major priorities.

Time with Tripp

Hopefully you’re now following my dog Tripp on Instagram. Apartment life definitely means much more time spent with the dog. Setting him free to roam the backyard isn’t an option anymore, so it’s important he gets his own play time. Most days start and end with a trip to the dog park for some off-leash fun. Tripp has also been my daily companion and I’m definitely thankful for our time together. I’ve always talked about making a web series about Tripp and now I finally have the time to get started. His Instagram account is the first step.

Words with friends

Whenever I’ve gone through difficult moments, I’ve always leaned on my friends. Which was easy in Austin where I had a core group of best friends and an wider net of social connections. In New York, I know very few people and have made it a priority to improve my relationships with the ones I do know. It’s been great reconnecting with people in the city and very fun to meet new people. Spending an hour having lunch with someone has done wonders in boosting my mood for days to come.

Disconnect after 6pm

The job hunt is a grind. With multiple versions of resumes, profiles on job search sites, the endless cover letters, it’s hard to know when to shut down for the day. New York seems to have endless opportunities and I could just keep at it for days. My first week on the hunt, I found myself sitting at my laptop sending off resumes until midnight. And even if I had put away the computer early, I found myself reloading my email on my phone hoping and praying for any response. Even at midnight. That’s completely unsustainable. These days, I’m trying to stick to a schedule of what I will accomplish every day of the week and how long I’ll be working. My goal is to be done by 6pm. If I haven’t met my quota for job applications, I’ll have to make it up the next day. I’ve always appreciated work/life balance and I’m trying to approach the job hunt like I would any job. And while I’m not totally disconnecting, I am disconnecting from “work” and letting go of email until the next day.

Discovery time

As I’ve started scheduling out my days, I’ve started dedicating time to discovery. This means exploring different parts of the city, a museum trip, or learning something new on Skillshare. I’ve also been a huge fan of CreativeMornings in Austin and started attending pretty much every event on the schedule in New York. Giving myself time to explore and nurture my curiosity has done wonders for my mental health.

I’m definitely not a mental health professional and I don’t have any answers on that front, but these are ways I’m coping with tough days. Hopefully they’re useful to you and of course, feel free to reach out if you’d like to hang in NY or have a virtual coffee.

In Life

A Year of Giving Back: 12 LGBTQ Organizations to Support

Since we’re only a few weeks into the new year, you might still have some motivation to make some changes in yourself and in the world. I’m always trying to find ways to give back and contribute to my community and a friend turned me on to the idea of giving 1% for the 99%. Essentially, you pledge to donate 1% of your monthly income to a different nonprofit every month of the year. This year, I’m challenging myself (and you) to donate to these 12 LGBTQ+ organizations making a difference in the community.


January

OutYouth – I’ll be starting out the year by supporting a local Austin organization that provides a variety of programs and services for LGBTQ youth like a drop-in center for youth to hang out at, free HIV testing, and facilitated discussions. Every year OutYouth puts on events like the Out Youth Prom, an evening that allows queer youth the chance to have their own high school prom.

February

GSA Network – Continuing with support for the children, GSAs provide a safe space for queer and straight students to socialize and support each other. GSA Network offers resources and support for those local GSA clubs. Additionally, they help develop youth into leaders to head their local clubs.

March

Trans United Fund – It’s time to end the patriarchy which is why I’m proud to support an organization that is committed to building the political power of the trans community. They do this by building political leadership in the trans community and aiding and endorsing candidates with pro-trans platforms.

April

Victory Institute – Representation and visibility is everything. The best way to ensure LGBT rights is to have LGBTQ politicians representing our needs. The Victory Institute is the only national organization that works to train and develop LGBTQ leaders to take on careers in politics, government, business, and advocacy.

May

ALLGO – This Texas organization provides cultural arts, wellness, and social justice programs for queer people of color. As a queer person of color myself, this is an organization that I’ve been interested in for a while and have been meaning to be more involved with.

June

Gay and Lesbian Medical Association – The world’s oldest association of LGBTQ healthcare professionals works to build equality in healthcare.  

Their website also helps you find an LGBTQ friendly doctor, which you can appreciate if you’ve ever been treated by a doctor unfamiliar with our community.

July

The Ali Forney Center – A staggering 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ. The AFC works to provide housing and support services for homeless queer youth.

August

Vivent Health – Provides services to people living with HIV and AIDS while also working to prevent the spread of HIV through education and outreach.

September

LGBT Asylum Support Task Force – While the US may slipping in its support for the LGBT community, some places in the world are far less welcoming. This organization supports LGBTQ people seeking asylum in the US. I had no idea that asylum seekers aren’t allowed to work until they are granted a work permit and social security number, which can take more than a year. The LGBT Asylum Task Force works to provide housing, food, basic necessities, and financial support during that time.

October

LAMBDA Legal – As the oldest and largest LGBTQ focused legal organization, Lambda Legal doesn’t charge their clients for legal representation or advocacy.

November

Sylvia Rivera Law Project – Named after the transgender activist, this organization works to guarantee that all people are free to self-determine their gender identity. They provide trainings for service providers and name and ID changing assistance.

December

SAGEElderly LGBTQ face higher poverty rates as well as significant health disparities than the general elderly population. Discrimination and social isolation can make things significant worse. Through their network of affiliates in SAGENet, SAGE works to improve financial security, reduce isolation, and enhance the quality of life for LGBTQ elders.


Hopefully this list inspires you to find and support a cause you’re passionate about. You never know, you might just find a dance party for that cause. If there are any LGBTQ organizations you love that I’ve left off the list, let me know!

In Entertainment/ Life

LGBTQ+ Podcasts That Will Give You Life

Of course I wouldn’t be an intellectual urban elite if I didn’t listen to a ton of podcasts and NPR. If you’re looking to beat the diva doldrums, switch pop hits for queer podcasts. Ideas can be bops, too. Here are a few of my favorite podcasts of the homosexual persuasion.

Making Gay History

This podcast takes a different approach to history. You’ll hear quick summaries and highlights about important figures in gay history but these mostly bite-sized episodes are from journalist Eric Marcus’ vault of interviews with both the well-known and the long forgotten. He usually recounts the story of what the interview was like but from there, episodes are first person conversations.

Nancy

Okay, I apologize for the educational suggestions. School’s out. Get a good dose of entertainment and LGBTQ topics with Nancy. Hosts Kathy and Tobin are totally playful while discussing some at times rather serious issues. Check out the episode “Does Your Boss Know You’re Gay?” about being out in the workplace and the potential problems it can cause.

Food 4 Thot

I just discovered this podcast on Instagram and I’m loving it. The four hosts are really entertaining and discuss a mix of topics ranging form hook ups to race and identity in the queer community to in depth reflections on relationships. It’s a perfect mix of thoughts and thots.

UnErased: The History of Conversion Therapy in America

In the US, over 700,000 people have been subjected to conversion therapy, a dangerous “treatment” to cure homosexuality. The podcast also features interviews with Garrard Conley, author of Boy Erased: A Memoir, and clips from the film adaptation of his novel, Boy Erased. Interviews with a group of mothers who organize as Mama Bears are extremely touching.

Latinos Who Lunch

As a latino who lunches myself, this has quickly become one of my favorite podcasts. Hosts Babelito and Favy Fav offer plenty of hot takes on pop culture, art, and all the snacks in between. Representation matters now more than ever, and it’s refreshing to hear a queer podcast discussing the glory of Juanga and the Mexican penchant for Ajax.

The Queer History Podcast

Being the nerd that I am, I love learning about history. Particularly moments that aren’t taught in school. The Queer History Podcast has been a total delight. And if history lessons are normally a turnoff for you, the hosts Dakota and Dylan keep it casual and conversational. Their commentary is totally relatable. Nerds are just like us. While not the most uplifting topic, their episode on the Upstairs Lounge Fire really stood out to me. This was a tragic attack on a gay bar in New Orleans in 1973. Plus, they did an outstanding job covering Frida Kahlo, one of my favorite artists.

More Perfect

More Perfect is a spin-off show from RadioLab about Supreme Court cases. It’s not a queer podcast but I stumbled upon it by chance this week playing on NPR. It so happened to be the story of Lawrence v. Texas, the landmark case that struck down sodomy laws. Aside from the fact that it involves gay rights and Texas, I found the backstory extremely unexpected. Now that I’ve discovered it, I can’t wait to dive into more episodes. But you at the very least should check out the Lawrence v. Texas episode.

I’m always on the hunt for hot talk, which queer podcasts are you listening to right now?

In Life/ Travel

How to Stay in Love on a Trip With Your Boyfriend

Back in February, my boyfriend and I took our very first trip together. It’s an exciting milestone in a new relationship. Like a trip to IKEA, if you survive a vacation together it can strengthen your bond. Here are my tips to help you stay in love.

Split up the planning process

Don’t be a dictator, let the boyfriend have a say in your plans. Unless he’s the organized one, in which case be a doll and help out. Planning a trip is stressful enough without worrying if your partner will enjoy it as well.

Compromise your itinerary

You’re excited about the trip and the places you’ll go, but remember that your partner is, too. In fact, he might be jazzed for entirely different reasons than you. While you’re still in the planning phase, you should each make a list of places you want to go and then compare the two. Make sure your final itinerary is pretty even between both your picks.  

Establish some boundaries

Some people think it’s a good idea to schedule some alone time on trips. I’m definitely not one of those people but I do think it’s a good idea to establish some ground rules on privacy. This all depends on your comfort level of course. No matter the relationship, I like to keep a nice level of secrecy when it comes to my bathroom time. Whether it’s grooming, showering, or doing your business, work something out so you can have comfortable privacy while staying on schedule.

Schedule date time

Sure, the entire vacation is like one long date but with so much activity, it’s easy to skip the romance. Schedule at least one dinner at a nice restaurant and drinks at a fancy cocktail bar. It’s the perfect time to check in on each other and a reminder to be grateful for the experience you’re sharing.

Split up responsibilities

Along with splitting up the planning of the vacation, share the responsibilities. Don’t let your partner be solely responsible for navigating a new city, you’ll be on the fastest route to resentment. Even if he’s more comfortable taking the reins, offer to help out. Alternatively, you can each manage a task you’re better at. In Mexico City, I was able to make use of my fluency in Spanish to handle talking with servers and Uber drivers. My boyfriend handled the task of mapping out our journeys.

Keep track of expenses

Agree on how you’ll be splitting up costs. It may not be easy for both partners to cover half of all the expenses, so come up with something that feels fair to both of you.

Get a glimpse into our romantic getaway.

In Life/ Travel

How To Survive A Trip With Your BFF

Traveling with your best friend can be an amazing experience for your friendship. You’ll take in new sights and cultures together that will strengthen your bond for a lifetime. Or at least it should. If the pressures of travel don’t destroy you. Here are some ways to ensure you and your friendship survive.

Respect boundaries

If the two of you are as thick as thieves this might not be an issue. If you’ve never spent this much time together, you’ll probably need to set some boundaries. Let your bestie know about your quiet hours, grooming habits, and anything else that could cause tensions. Your roommates or boyfriends have probably alerted you to these things along the way.

Be a good wingman

So you head out to a gay bar for the night and it’s possible either one of you could meet someone. Make sure you’re both cool with seeing where the night takes you. Your BFF may be expecting to bond over beverages while you’re set on chatting up a dandy daddy.  If you’re going home with someone, make sure not to abandon your pal completely. If he’s the one getting lucky, don’t be a spoilsport. In any case, be supportive of each other and stay safe. Let the each other know where you’ll be. Maybe even share your location. Technology these days.

Have plenty of heart to hearts

Travel is a great bonding experience and you’ll spend plenty of time wandering new streets together. Take advantage of this and get to know each other better. Be vulnerable and revealing, it’ll make your friendship stronger. Once you’re at home and in your own routines, you’ll hardly have the opportunity to share the same kinds of moments.

Take turns with photo duty

I’m super guilty of this. With a background in filmmaking, I’m uncomfortable with relinquishing the role of documentarian, which often leaves me with memories of my travel companion enjoying himself. And no visual reminders that I enjoyed a seaside afternoon as well. If you’re as particular as me, take a reference photo and then ask your friend to imitate it for you.

Share responsibilities

Be equal partners along the journey. Even if your bestie is better at planning, offer to help out or take on something he’s weaker at. Make sure you’re clear on expenses and split costs equitably.

Have patience

You’re bound to get on each other’s last nerve, especially when travel plans go wrong. Be patient, this is your best friend and you’d kill for them. Remember that. Plus, all the feelings are probably mutual. Let it go and remember to have fun.

Check out some memories from my previous BFF vacays in Spain and the Pacific Northwest. It’s okay to get the feels.